A huge thank you to Apryl Baker for allowing me to take part in this blogfest. I am so excited to be here and share my favorite book with all of you!
All She Never Wanted is a totally emotional ride of great loss and great love. Evie and Landon will drive you crazy, break your heart and make you fall in love. There’s so much to their story that I still want to tell and so I have written for you a little extra scene to introduce you to Evie Ward, the woman who loses it all and still finds she has All She Never Wanted.
“I just don’t understand why you ever left the city. If you’d have stayed here, I could have helped you.” Mary Ellen’s sadness tainted her words. I hated to see my best friend in so much pain but I still had no idea how to make her understand, even after all this time.
“I’m so sorry, Melly. I had to.”
She sniffed a couple times. “I keep trying to tell myself you’re coming home in a few weeks but now I’m not so sure. Landon is your patient, you know.”
“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I feel horrible knowing how many lines I’ve crossed? Professional and personal.”
“Have you slept with him?” Mary Ellen asked.
“Then you haven’t really crossed any lines.”
My best friend had a way of reducing everything to sex. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“You’ve been saying that a lot since Matthew died.”
Just the mention of his name cut straight through my heart. “Gee, Mel, don’t hold back.”
Mary Ellen sighed. “I just meant that it’s hard for me to understand if you don’t talk to me.”
“We talk all the time.”
“Maybe. But we really don’t say anything anymore, Evie.”
The line between us remained silent for a long moment before I took a deep, steadying breath. With all the crying I’d done in the last twelve months, you’d think I’d have nothing left but Mary Ellen’s final statement had me fighting tears back again. “I have to go now, Melly. I’ll call you this weekend to see how the wedding plans are going.”
“I’m sorry, Evie. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay. I know. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I ended the call and set the phone on the seat beside me. It was too dark now to see the waves hitting the shore below but I could hear the water as it crashed against the sand. The sound had become my lullaby at night and my calming force in the day. Mary Ellen’s hurt hung heavy on me. I knew I’d cut her out quite a bit as I wallowed in my own self-pity after Matthew’s murder. Maybe it was time I opened up. I walked to the desk and grabbed a notebook and a pen. Returning to my seat by the window, I opened the notebook and began to write a letter for the first time in years.
Dear Mary Ellen,
I just got off the phone with you but I feel like there is still so much I need to say. I know I could call you back or send a text but texting seems so…I don’t know childish…when I have such adult things to tell you. It feels weird writing an actual letter. Writing is such a lost art.
Anyway, I couldn’t help but notice how sad you sounded when we said goodbye and I know it’s my fault. You don’t understand why I had to leave. You don’t understand why I would pack up and abandon you, my best friend for as long as I can remember and the city I have always loved. And, that’s okay. Sometimes I am not sure I understand it myself. I just know that when Matthew died, a huge part of me died with him. He was the love of my life. We were about to get married. All of our past memories and future plans were wrapped around New York City and every step through Manhattan, every subway ride, every food cart of honey roasted cashews, was a reminder of the life I’d been cheated out of. Such a cruel twist of fate for two people that had devoted their lives to serving the very type of person that ended Matthew’s life.
There are no words to describe what it’s like watching someone you love violently taken from you. To hold him in your arms as he takes his last breath, speaks his last words…it’s haunts my dreams and drives my waking hours. Matthew was my everything and with him gone, I didn’t know how to keep going. To keep moving forward in a life that seemed so empty without him by my side.
Did you know that I hadn’t slept in my bed since the night Matthew was murdered? Three hundred and sixty-five nights I slept on the sofa. I couldn’t bear to be surrounded by his scent and not have his arms wrapped around me making me feel safe. His clothes he’d tossed on the floor when he dressed that day still remained in the same place until I packed everything away for the movers. Every step I took in that apartment reminded me of everything I’d lost.
I know you think I left you behind. And, I think you feel like you’ve been replaced, but I promise you this—you are like a sister to me. No matter where we are or what life throws at us, you are the best friend a girl could ever ask for. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just needed space. When I took this job, it was only supposed to be for three months. Enough time for me to get my head on straight and come up with a new plan. I definitely didn’t count on falling in love with the beauty of the Atlantic Ocean or the calm serene beaches of the Outer Banks. Landon, he’s a cocky, stubborn man but he has a heart of gold and he’s brought back to life in me feelings I thought I’d lost forever. He’s witty and he keeps this snarky city girl on her toes. I’m finally experiencing emotions other than sadness, anger, and loss and it feels good. I can breathe here.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. Landon is a good man but he has plenty of demons of his own to slay. There’s no denying the attraction between us and I have no idea if this will even work when we both show up to the game with so much baggage. But, I like him enough to see where it goes.
It’s not an easy thing, opening your heart again when it’s suffered so much loss already. I don’t know if I can ever love anyone the same way I loved Matthew. But, I think I’m willing to try. I can’t stand to think that Matthew would want me to spend so many years alone.
I hope that this letter has helped you to understand. I know I am not an easy friend to have. The last year—well, there are no words to tell you how much it meant having you by my side. Without you I’d have been a lost soul and I love you like the sister I’ve chosen.
Love you to the moon and back,
One moment changed everything…
Evie Ward had everything she’d ever dreamed of. An action-packed job where no two shifts were ever the same, the best friend a girl could ever want, and a fairy tale wedding just days away. Her life was absolutely perfect. Until one bullet—one horrible choice—left her with a broken heart and shattered dreams. Fleeing the city she loved and a lifetime of memories, Evie took a job in the Outer Banks of North Carolina in the hopes that the ocean air and fresh beaches could somehow restore her soul. Falling in love again wasn’t part of the plan.
Landon Reed was on top of the world. The money, the women, the status—he had it all until one bad decision nearly cost him his life. His father gave him three months to get his act together or be cut off from the family fortune and business. No house, no job and no money. His will and his patience are tested further when his father hires a nurse to whip him into shape. She may be little but she's mean and it looks like Landon has finally met his match.
With her shattered heart and his broken spirit, the road to recovery will be long. Can they help each other heal or will their fractured pasts be too much to overcome?
All She Never Wanted is a beautiful story about love, loss, grief, and healing. This story has moments of humor and moments of all out heartbreak. I laughed. I cried. I had to put it down more than once just to stop the tears long enough that I could read again. It's a fast moving romance that will give you ALL the feels. LOVED IT! -Allie K/ Amazon
This was a wonderful story of two people who have both lost their faith in love and in the world after devastating events tear away everything they expected to bring them joy. Neither one trusts love anymore, but together they begin to rebuild faith, love and romance. But can they get past their own issues to embrace what awaits them? And will the interference of others ruin everything before it has a chance to grow and blossom? A lovely story, well written and conceived in love. –Sandy Penny/Amazon